August 16, 2008

So last night I decided to shower—my first deep cleansing since the pneumonia decked me—in an effort to work out some of the aches in my muscles before I went to bed. I've mentioned before that showers are a time for me to think, and this one was no different. I had a startling epiphany where I realized that my attitude started to take a downward turn after that whole gurney affair last month. In fact, I had the specific moment: It was when I thought that the gurney had beaten me.

Ever since that moment, I've been acting beaten. Vicky has commented more than once that my posture is more slumped; I've been speaking in a quieter voice; my posts have become increasingly negative.

Frak that noise, I decided. Nothing has ever beaten me down in the past, and nothing's going to beat me down now. I realized that every pain and discomfort I'm feeling now is nothing compared to other pains I've experienced over the years. Enough, already. Time to stand up straight again and face this leukemia down.


posted by Emru Townsend at


Blogger carolyn said...


August 16, 2008 8:17 PM  

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